Be My Village
by spaztic002
Summary: After 5x09, Maura knows that Jane is bottling up everything inside and is worried for her. After trying to push Jane into having an emotional conversation, certain words are exchanged and past issues open the flood gates of their friendship. Rizzles
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: **Hey guys! So this short story will take place after episode 5x09. It's a lot more angsty and let's just assume Jane wanted to foster Tasha. A big thank you to socks-lost for being my beta! This is my first story so please be kind and let me know what I can improve on. Thanks :)

**Disclaimer:** These characters do not belong to me and sadly I don't get paid for this.

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After a couple of long and emotional nights in the hospital, Jane was finally being discharged. Despite the good news, the tension in the room was obvious and no one was willing to break it. The past couple of days had been really long for everyone, not just Jane. The miscarriage coupled with not being able to help Tasha had really taken a toll on Jane. Jane tried to hide her pain from her family, but Maura knew she was suffering. She could see it in Jane's eyes. Normally Jane did a good job of masking her emotions to the outside world, but not to Maura. Early on, Maura figured out that Jane's eyes revealed all of her emotions in any given situation. That's how Maura knew from the moment she told Jane the bad news, that she was bottling everything inside. Her eyes gave her away. They were filled with so much pain and guilt, that it was almost unbearable for Maura to even look in Jane's direction. But true to form, Jane continued to pretend everything was okay and refused to talk about her feelings.

Back in the hospital room, Jane had changed out of the gown and into some grey sweats and a black tank top and was very eager to leave the place. She quickly grew tired of how dull the room looked and it only served to heighten her already horrible mood. She sat back down on that terribly uncomfortable piece of pad they called a bed, Jane looked around for Angela. Looking back to Maura, who was seated in the chair closest to the hospital bed.

"Where's Ma?"

Angela had left the hospital for Maura's house in order to prepare for Jane's arrival. What Angela did not anticipate was Jane's refusal to go to Maura's house. Maura volunteered to take Jane back to her house, where she already spends most of her nights, but Jane insisted on going back to her apartment.

"She left a little early to set things up for your arrival. You are still a little delicate and it would be best if you just took it a little easy. I know this is very hard for you, so I figured you would be under the best care possible under my supervision." Maura proudly claimed as she gave Jane one of those adorably goofy smiles that were only reserved for her. Jane learned to love those smiles because Maura only ever had that smile when she was with Jane, and it had meant that Jane had done something right in order to provoke such a beautiful response from the most important person in her life. Jane's expression softened a bit but then quickly hardened when she remembered her situation.

"Maura, I'm fine. I'm rested and I can heal properly at my apartment."

That smile, which Jane holds so dearly fell off from Maura's face and she quickly countered, "Oh yes, because last time that happened it went so well." It wasn't until she saw the hurt in Jane's eyes that she remembered exactly what happened the last time she healed at home. She wanted to take back her words but there was some heavy truth to them.

Jane quickly dismissed Maura's comment, not letting her emotions get the best of her and said, "Yeah well, I'll be better this time so you don't even have to bother checking up on me. You should be happy, it gives you more time to go spend time with Jack. That is what you want, right?"

Maura grimaced, "Jane-"

"You know what Maura, I'm tired and I just want to lay in my bed. Please can you just take me to my apartment?"

Letting out a small sigh and a quick nod of the head, Maura and Jane headed out to the parking garage. The drive to Jane's was tense and quiet. It was late afternoon and it was a very nice seventy. Jane could not help but think if the circumstances were different, this would have been the perfect day to go out for a picnic with Maura.

Maura.

She was all Jane ever thought about and that frightened her beyond belief. She indulged herself in many fantasies thinking about what their life together would be like or least she did. Then Casey returned and things got messy. Of course Jane made it the situation complicated because she wanted nothing more than to be with Maura and throw caution to the wind. But nothing was ever simple with Jane. Unfortunately, Jane was brought back to reality when she felt that the car had stopped moving and Maura was now staring at her. She looked around and realized they were parked right in front of her apartment. Maura helped Jane go up the stairs and into her apartment. Opening the door, Jane let out a huge sigh of relief and went to go settle down on her couch, leaving Maura in the kitchen. Just a couple seconds passed when Maura returned with a glass of water and handed it to Jane, sitting down on the opposite side of the couch.

Looking down at the carpet, Jane says "Thanks Maura, I got it from here."

Neither of them dared to speak until finally Maura felt brave enough to utter, "Do you want to talk about it? You have yet to say anything about the news the doctor gave you."

Jane furrowed her eyebrows, not bothering to look up. Maura could sense the internal battle raging inside of Jane. She knew how much it pained Jane to open up and be vulnerable. Silence engulfed them once more until Jane glanced up to look at Maura. The intensity of the emotions swirling around in Jane's eyes made Maura's breathe hitch and throat dry up.

"Jane, please."

Jane's face was stoic but her voice was scratchy and heavy with sorrow, " What exactly do you want me to say, huh? That my fucking stupid mistake of going into the warehouse alone cost me the life of my baby. Or do you want me to say how I feel responsible for Tasha because I endangered her life and now I can't even provide for her? Is that what you want Maura?!"

"What happened with Tasha is not your fault. You did not know he was going to be there."

"Yeah well I'm a detective for God's sake. I shouldn't have visited Tasha alone, I should've had back up. I'm supposed to know better than that. I put everyone's life in danger by being reckless and now look at what happened. I lost this baby. This baby I wasn't even sure I wanted at first but then," her voice cracking with emotion, "but then I got really happy and excited. I finally embraced the idea of having this child and raising it with your help and now I've killed…" Jane didn't bother to finish the thought because she knew she wouldn't be able to hold it all in anymore.

"Jane, I'm sorry." Maura moved to sit right next to Jane and reached for Jane's hand. Holding up Jane's hands to her heart, "You went into the warehouse to save Tasha's life and you did. Your instinct as a detective kicked in and you fought to save that girl's life. I know it's really hard for you to see that right now, but you saved a life. You saved her and gave her an opportunity to live her life and accomplish her dreams."

"But at what cost Maura? I've made Tasha's life even worse. I lost the baby, the least I could of done is help her out by fostering her and I can't even do that!"

"You shouldn't want to foster Tasha because you feel like you have to make up for your loss. You can't-"

But before Maura finished her sentence, Jane violently withdrew her hands, stood and pointed accusingly at Maura, "Don't tell me what I can and can't do Maura. You don't know what I'm going through. All because you moved on from the excitement of the baby doesn't mean I did. Fostering Tasha has NOTHING to do with the loss of my baby." Jane practically yelled those last few words in hopes that she could make herself believe her own words.

Maura flinched as if she has been viciously slapped, the hurt from Jane's words evident on her face. She lifts herself off the couch and stands directly in front of Jane.

"What do you mean 'moved on'? I cared about your baby Jane! I practically spent all of my free time looking up cribs and clothes. I was just as excited about this as you were. I was even going to give up my guest bedroom and ask you to move in with me." Maura paused, her emotions started to get the best of her. "I had too deal with two traumas. You getting hurt, again, and the loss of the baby! How dare you insinuate this doesn't hurt me. "

Jane took a step back from Maura and started to pace around the living room, "Oh yeah? Because it seemed to me that you stopped caring about the baby the moment you met Jack. The baby and I took a backseat to Jack. It was supposed to be us, you were supposed to be my village not his. You were going to help me raise this kid and you left me the moment you had the chance to."

Maura felt lightheaded, she stepped back until her backside rested against the arm of the couch. Anger now flowed through Maura's veins as she thought of how Jane could be so ignorant and selfish. "You don't get to say I left you. You don't get to be jealous and accuse me of not caring. Now you know how I felt a couple months ago when Casey was around because last time I checked, you were the one that left me!"

Jane stopped her pacing and looked up at Maura, confused. Maura continued, her own kind of suffering and anger etched on her face. "Once Casey showed up after being absent for God knows how long, and it was all you suddenly cared about. I needed you and you were not there for me. I was going through so much with my biological family and men trying to murder me, and all you seemed to care about was Casey. It was only until he left you out to dry that you remembered I existed and that you needed me." Maura let out a loud gasp as her hands automatically went to cover her mouth. Maura knew it was too late to take anything back. There was no coming back from this.

Jane stayed frozen in her spot, all the color drained from her face. Her worst nightmare has now become a reality. She remained speechless, the only sound in the room came from Maura as she tried to compose herself and stop the tears from flowing. The silence was truly agonizing and the air was so thick that Jane felt like she was getting asphyxiated.

"Maura, that-I didn't-how can you-"

Maura stalked up to Jane with her arms wrapped around herself, "You didn't what, Jane? Don't stand there and attempt to deny it and make me out like some sort of irrational, emotional person."

"But I was there for you! All those times you needed me, I was there. All you needed to do was call and-"

"Don't you dare, Jane!" Maura's voice wavered, suddenly it became very quiet and very hard to talk. Jane took that opportunity to notice how small, how fragile Maura looked. She had only ever seen Maura look like that once before, after she saved Maura from Dennis Rockmond and Jane hated herself for being the person to cause this the second time around.

"You call those halfhearted attempts of distracting me by talking about Casey being there for me? Or those other times where you tried to help me and then the moment something that has to do with you pops up, you leave immediately. Please Jane, stop trying to fool yourself. Just answer me this, Jane. Why? Why were you so hell bent on making this relationship with Casey work? Why did you tolerate being in such an abusive relationship? He was ruining you and you refused to see that!"

Maura stood directly in front of her and gave her a piercing gaze, that along with the deafening silence made it extremely hard for Jane to come up with a coherent sentence. Jane began to back track and allowed herself to flop down onto the couch. Her vision suddenly became cloudy and the room started to spin. She was about to come face to face with all those feelings that she had suppressed for so long. The true reason behind all this and Jane was not sure she was ready to handle that.

"Maura, I…I… I'm sorry. I can't tell you. I mean , I don't know. I don't want to talk about it. I don't know how. I just need time."

Maura, now loomed over Jane, angrier than ever.

"Of course you don't want to talk about it. You never want to talk about ANYTHING when it comes to your feelings. Wait, I take that back. You do like to talk about certain things. You love to talk about Casey. So lets start with that."

"Maura-"

"You know what? I can't be here right now. I can't do this." Maura gathered her belongings and started for the door. She paused right before turning the door knob, and waited for some sort of interference from Jane.

But Jane remained seated with her eyes closed. The whole conversation beginning with the miscarriage, to the guilt she carried around regarding Tasha, to Jack, and now Casey had been too much for Jane. She hoped that by closing her eyes, everything would just go away. She hated how much of a coward she was being and she didn't know how to properly deal with her feelings.

Maura for her part, remained rooted at the front of the door. She waited with no avail. Just as she was about to turn the knob, she paused again. "Jane, your pain medication is on the kitchen counter. Don't forget to take it. I know you can be bull headed sometimes but don't be foolish and take care of yourself." With that, Maura walked out the apartment and closed the door. The moment she got inside of her Prius, she let out a chocked sob. It made her upset knowing despite how mad she was at Jane, she couldn't stop herself from caring about Jane. Maura stayed parked until she was just about all cried out. Before Maura started the car, she checked her phone and saw that she had numerous missed calls from Angela. She didn't have it in her to call Angela because she would easily pick up on her somber tone, so instead she sent a text to her and headed for Beacon Hill.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Wow. I'm truly blown away by the reviews you all have so kindly left me. Thank you guys. I hope you all will hang in there for the next couple chapters. It's all full of angst and not much dialogue. Feedback is welcomed, let me know what you guys liked and didn't like. Again, thanks to my beta socks-lost for helping me out. Enjoy!

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Angela was putting away leftovers she had put aside for the girls, when she heard Maura's car pull into the drive way. She was quite upset that she had gone so long without hearing from either Jane or Maura. She was dead set on demanding an explanation as to why the girls never showed up from the hospital and didn't bother to answer her phone calls. So she waited, but a couple minutes passed and there were still no signs of Maura and Jane. Angela decided to look out the window to check if Maura was still in her car and saw a very distraught Maura reapplying her make up. The mother in Angela wanted to stay and find out what happened, but she knew Maura was a very private person and that Maura would find her when she was ready to talk. So she set Maura a plate of food and left for the guesthouse.

As for Maura, she couldn't even remember the drive back from Jane's apartment. Next thing she knew she was stopped and parked on her drive way, crying. Maura replayed what transpired at Jane's apartment, over and over in her head many times. She knew she shouldn't have exploded on Jane the way she did but Jane needed to know just how painful her actions and words were. Maura tried to reason with herself that the argument was long overdue. Their friendship had suffered a big divide when Casey walked back into their lives and Maura hoped that this fight was just what they needed to revert back to their old ways. Or maybe even become something more. Maura realized that she was still crying in her car and Angela was probably worried. She reapplied her make up to make herself presentable to Angela because she didn't want to raise suspicions. She knew Angela was going to immediately discover something was wrong with her and she secretly wished that she wouldn't pry.

When she entered the house, the blonde glanced around her home and found it empty. She figured Angela would have been waiting for her in the kitchen, demanding some answers to her many questions. Much to her surprise, Angela was nowhere to be found and instead discovered a plate of food with a glass of wine set on the kitchen counter. Next to the plate was a note that read,

"Dear Maura,

Knowing our Jane, she probably gave you a very hard time. She never did have the best bedside manners. I left you a plate of food with some wine. Get some rest.

Goodnight sweetie."

Maura had never been more grateful for Angela than in that moment. All she wanted was to be alone and thankfully Angela understood. She glanced at the food once more but her appetite was gone so she decided to take a long bath. Putting the plate in the refrigerator, she quickly drank the glass of wine, poured herself another glass and headed upstairs to start her bath. For Maura, a good bath always served to calm her mind and rationalize everything. So that was exactly what she did. Once she settled into the tub, she leaned back and closed her eyes and tried to let go of all the negative energy. Instead, all she found herself doing was thinking of how falling in love with the detective had given much more meaning to her life.

Being with Jane had brought her so much joy, just thinking about the brunette brightened up her day substantially. Whenever Maura had a bad day at work or felt stressed out, Jane's presence alone would be enough to soothe her. She was physically unable to stop smiling around her and it felt like she was about to burst at the seams out of pure happiness. She remembered the words she told the brunette about Garrett, how the love she had for him felt like she was high off of some sort of substance. Maura chuckled just thinking about how wrong she had been because the way she loved him paled in comparison to her love for Jane. Loving Jane made her feel so drunk and on top of the world that the doctor felt invincible, nothing could possible stop her because she had Jane. When she was around Jane, Maura forgot the rest of the world even existed. It was only when reality hit did her love for Jane become suffocating. As much joy as the detective had brought Maura, she had also caused a lot of pain. Maura was hurt from all the times she wanted to desperately hold Jane and treat her the way she deserved to be treated, but couldn't. The medical examiner yearned to comfort Jane more intimately, instead she had to sit back and seethe with jealousy as Casey comforted her in ways that only lovers could do. Maura swallowed the pain every single time and went home to cry herself to sleep. The more she endured, the less like herself she felt.

Love.

Such a blessing and a curse.

Maura thought back to this past spring, where she had gotten a sudden burst of confidence and was determined to reveal the true nature of her feelings to the detective. She grew tired of having to hide her love, it started to weigh heavily on her soul and affect her work. At times it felt like it even physically hurt to love Jane. Maura had always been a very organized person and planned everything with great detail, so she made a plan. She was going to find evidence that confirmed Jane's feelings were as strong for Maura as Maura's were for her and after weeks of research, she found them. The lingering touches, the irrational jealousy, and most importantly the way Jane looked at Maura when she thought Maura wasn't aware of her presence. That look, it always took Maura's breath away. It was filled with so much adoration and love, it made her dizzy just thinking about it and it snapped her out of her thoughts. She got up from her bath, wrapped a towel around her body and headed for the bedroom. She sat down on her bed and put on lotion, her brain going back to the week where she planned out exactly how to tell Jane about her feelings.

It had been Wednesday night when she trapped herself in her office and planned out a date with the brunette. She was going to start off by inviting her to a late Friday night movie, which would turn into their very usual sleepover. Since they had the weekend off, Maura planned to make Jane her favorite breakfast which consisted of scrambled eggs, bacon, a cup of fruit, a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice and toast with a strawberry jam. After breakfast, she wasn't sure if she wanted to take Jane on a stroll around her favorite childhood park or to an indoor hockey league game. She ended up deciding on the latter because she knew how much Jane would love that. Maura hadn't quite figured out what the next step in her plan was after the league game, but she knew that she wanted to end the night back at her house for dinner. She figured she would let Jane decide what to do after the game. Back at home for dinner, she was going to make this wonderful Indian recipe that both her and Jane wanted to try for quite some time. After eating or getting a food coma, as Jane liked to call it, they would move over to the couch. The couch was the setting in which Maura decided to tell Jane everything. The couch held so many wonderful memories of late night movies and conversations that ended in them comforting one another. Maura finished working out the final details of her plan she went to bed feeling hopeful.

The next morning in her office, Maura had made up her mind that during her lunch break she was going to go up to the bullpen to ask Jane if she had any plans for Friday and the weekend. Everything was running along rather smoothly when the unimaginable happened, Casey returned. Maura felt as if someone had poured a bucket of ice over her body and sucker punched her. She was on the verge of a panic attack and for the first time in her life, she didn't know how to react. She suddenly wished that the Earth would swallow her whole and spare her of the misery that was sure to follow.

Whenever Casey was in Boston, Jane turned into a completely different person. It had gotten so bad that Maura couldn't even recognize her anymore. Jane would spend hours talking about Casey and their Skype dates or how he hadn't returned any of her calls and completely ignore the blonde. There were times when Maura desperately needed Jane to just be there and listen but she was preoccupied with Casey.

Casey's return always ended in Jane and Maura's friendship suffering, which meant Maura also suffered. Despite having the brunette around, Maura started to feel like she lost her friend and Casey was their undoing. So when he returned, as much as it pained Maura, she had no alternative but to be there for Jane when he walks out on her again. But this time around he never left and instead purposed to detective in the most unromantic way possible. Every single day that Jane contemplated saying yes, Maura died a little inside and started to distance herself. How could she be happy that the love of her life was thinking about leaving with a man who doesn't really understand Jane and her desires? How could she be happy that the love of her love was blindly throwing away her life? Maura contemplated confronting Jane on this issue but decided against it because she knew the brunette would react badly. She rather silently suffer than risk upsetting Jane and losing her friendship. Every night before going to bed, she hoped that Jane would come to her senses and send Casey packing. Later that week, Maura's wish came true. Jane revealed to her that she had turned down the proposal. Immediately, Maura felt her heart begin to flutter with hope once again.

Unfortunately, Maura's hope was short lived. Once Jane explained to Maura that Casey might return to be a part of the baby's life, panic began to settle back in. She finally had another opportunity to reveal her feelings and possibly have a life with Jane and Casey was going to ruin it. Maura knew that Jane and the baby's life would be so much better under her care. Knowing Casey, he would probably show up once or twice a year and leave Jane to do everything herself. Maura, on the other hand, would actually be there for her and help out in any way she possibly could. The baby would have had all of Maura's unconditional love and support. If Casey showed up and whisked Jane and the baby away, the doctor wouldn't survive the heartbreak. Jane had already chipped to many pieces of Maura off and she didn't know how much more she could take. She had no control over this situation and it made Maura sick to her stomach.

Things changed completely when she met Jack. Once she got over her initial fear that he wanted to hurt her, Maura began to wonder if Jack was life giving her a clean slate. He was perfect for her and most importantly he was an escape from potential heartbreak. It was quite unfair to Jack that Maura use him as a second option but life is unfair and cruel. She knew she was being selfish, but she was tired of always putting herself last lately. It was time she started thinking about herself. After going on a couple dates, Maura realized she could actually grow to love and appreciate him. Maura didn't want to wait all her life for Jane, so she decided to take a chance on him. It was better that way, Jane got her happy ending and Maura would eventually get hers. That was all before Jane's miscarriage happened and now that things were somewhat out in the open, Maura knew her relationship with Jane and Jack were about to change drastically. There was no point in hiding the truth from Jane, so Maura was going to lay it all on the table. She was tired of the constant weight on her shoulders and she wanted nothing more than to be liberated of it.

When Maura thought of Jack, a wave of sadness hit her. She knew the right think to do was to break things off with him. She couldn't continue to string him along, even if it meant she was going to go back to being alone. With a sigh, Maura lifted herself up from bed and reached for her phone that was on her dresser. She sent a quick text to Jack asking to meet up as soon as possible. The faster she got this over with, the better. Maura immediately received a response from him. It read,

"Sure, I can go do coffee first thing tomorrow morning. Is everything alright? Do you need me to meet you right now?"

A small sad smile graced Maura's face. He cared so much about her and she felt sick knowing what was about to happen. She replied to him stating tomorrow morning was perfect. She didn't even know where to begin the conversation with him, the only thing she knew was that the pending talk was going to be emotionally charged and she wasn't ready for it. With that last thought in mind, she went to bed hoping to get some sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: You guys continue to blow me away with the amazing feedback you all provide. Thank you very much. This will be the second to last chapter and the next chapter will be the one I'm sure most of you guys are waiting for, the big confrontation. I'm still debating if I should do an epilogue but right now I'm focused on finishing the final chapter. Feedback/reviews are always welcomed and once again, thank you to my beta socks-lost for all the help. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters or make money off of this. **

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Jane hadn't moved from the spot on couch she was on since Maura left her apartment. Her whole body hurt and to make things worse, she felt a migraine coming on. She got up from the couch a little too fast and suddenly felt nauseas. Jane carefully walked over to the kitchen counter and took her medication. She stumbled her way into the bedroom and flopped down hard on her bed, not caring how painful the landing was going to be for her healing body. No physical pain could compare to how she currently felt. The brunette wondered how long it would take before the medication kicked in and made her go into a much needed slumber.

But at the moment, she was haunted by too many thoughts about the miscarriage, Tasha, Casey and Maura. Each person evoked a different emotion from the detective and she wasn't sure how to process everything. Her carelessness cost her the life of her baby and it almost cost Tasha hers as well. All she could think about was how stupid she was being by going into that warehouse alone. Jane learned the hard way about the consequences of being careless more than once and now she had gone and done it again. She had one job, to protect the tiny human inside of her and she failed. The guilt was gnawing at her. Jane felt she had to be held responsible and help all those hurt by her actions.

That is why the she was so compelled to foster Tasha. In such a short time, she made a strong bond with the teenager and genuinely believed she could make a positive impact on her life. Jane lost one thing already and she wasn't about to lose another. She wanted so desperately to help Tasha and the fact that she couldn't only added to her guilt. Jane knew she was being irrational because the teenager's circumstance was out of her control, but it was her duty to help people in need.

Jane let out a heavy sigh. She knew Maura was right all along, losing the baby was a big factor in her decision to try and foster Tasha. The brunette hated how she lashed out at Maura for only trying to help. What she never expected to happen was for her friend to finally call her out on her past behavior. Things were never supposed to be this way. Maura thought that she was oblivious to how Casey treated her but the detective wasn't stupid, she knew and she accepted it. Jane was never a fan of complicated relationships and things with Casey were about as uncomplicated as they could get. She experienced so many sleepless nights where she would tell herself countless times that she was the biggest coward to ever live. She much rather watch the love of her life be happy with other people than risk losing her. Maura had been the one steady thing in her life, her village. Now she was in danger of losing it all because she couldn't face the truth.

The detective had been a strong, confident and independent woman once. She could remember vividly the speech she gave Joey Grant the night her mother tried to set them up. Detective Jane Rizzoli has never needed of a man and never will. The only two things the brunette needed were Maura and her family.

But oh, how the great fall.

Once she fell in love with the medical examiner, everything she thought she knew about herself went straight to hell. She was suddenly a love struck fool who couldn't focus on anything but the object of her desire. Jane would do anything to ensure the doctor's happiness. The love she felt was so strong that the detective's initial instinct was to run away from it. Jane wasn't ready to accept the consequences of falling in love with Maura, so she ran. Jane buried everything deep inside, in hopes that it remain locked inside her soul forever. She would tell herself that Maura deserved better than a careless blue collar detective anyways.

Jane wasn't ready to accept her attraction to the blonde and probably never will be. She had a hard time coming to terms with her attraction to Maura because that meant accepting a part of herself that she had suppressed for so long. Her earliest memories consisted of her running around with the neighborhood boys and her brothers. She was known as the notorious tomboy of the block and she heard the constant gossip about her. All the mean girls in middle school would yell out, Gayzzoli or Lezzoli as she walked to class and was constantly teased her for dressing less femininely.

Everybody was so quick to put a label on her at a time when she wasn't even sure who she was yet. Her whole life she was told she was going to be a certain type of person and it was all very confusing. As a result, Jane was so determined to not let those people define her and spent a large part of her childhood trying to prove them wrong. She dated boys and dismissed her attraction towards certain girls. Even after she grew up and joined the academy, Jane tried her hardest to prove the childhood bullies wrong. Accepting her homosexuality would mean giving those people just what they wanted. On top of that, she grew up in a very Catholic household where it was also shunned upon. Being gay would mean she had dishonored her family and that something was wrong with her. She had already disappointed her mother enough by becoming a police officer and Jane didn't want to give Angela another reason to be ashamed of her.

But then she met the gorgeous medical examiner and the attraction she felt for her hit Jane like a runaway freight train. She had never felt this way about anyone and it scared the shit out of her. For once, she actually thought about giving into those labels placed on her and confessing her feelings. Then Jane thought about what her mother might say and the crippling fear of disappointing her family returned. She usually didn't care about what her mother had to say to her, so she couldn't fathom why it hurt her so much to think about Angela's potential disappointment in her sexuality. Upon further analysis, Jane realized that this is who she was and that she wouldn't be able to survive knowing her mother couldn't accept her for being her true self. As much as she hated it, she needed her family. Ultimately fear won out and Jane continued to repress her feelings, which was why Jane wanted to see Maura be happy with other people. She wanted the doctor to be with someone who had already figured themselves out and not constantly be hiding from others. Maura deserved someone who would proudly take her out on dates and not worry about what other people had to say.

Jane believed that the medical examiner represented everything that was good in this world and she wasn't about to ruin her. So she settled for crappy men. Well, two in particular.

First there was Dean, who was nothing more than a decent lay. He came into her life at moment where she desperately needed a distraction from Hoyt and her ever growing feelings towards a certain blonde doctor. He was unattached and very willing to not take their relationship to anything past casual. Jane eventually came to see him as a friend or that was until he immediately violated that trust. Dean almost cost her the one person she valued over anyone else, Maura. Jane had no problem never seeing him again and she never did.

After that whole Dean debacle, she was left with Casey. Jane's relationship with Casey was just a big cluster fuck that she let get out of hand. Things with him could of been as simple as they were with Dean, but stubborn detective always liked to complicate her life. The detective was desperately seeking an escape from the truth because her whole life revolved around Maura and all those buried thoughts were coming ashore and drowning her. She needed an out and Casey was it.

Her decision to be in a relationship with him was probably her lowest decision ever. She was hiding from herself and living in constant sadness and denial. Jane reasoned with herself that the situation with Casey was ideal. Casey would go back overseas for most of the year, which meant that she wouldn't have to deal with him and she could continue to focus one hundred percent on her job. She didn't mind that he only returned to have sex with her and then leave again. He used her and she was okay with that because she also used him. Casey was her distraction and Jane prayed that eventually her feelings for Maura would die off. Jane pulled away from her best friend and it created a riff in their friendship. The only way to squash those feelings she had for Maura was to cut off the source. Jane genuinely believed that if she distanced herself from the blonde, it would be easier to ignore and repress her internal battle. The strategy was to talk about Casey to the doctor enough times to convince herself that she loved him and that he would be enough.

Jane soon found out though that getting a certain medical examiner out of her head was impossible. On the rare occasions that Casey would show up and they ended up naked on the bed, all she thought about was a certain blonde doctor. The world was truly a cruel place, everything reminded her of Maura. Not a day passed that Jane didn't think about her beautiful friend. It pained her to behave so badly towards Maura, but it had to be that way. The brunette was so far up in denial that she couldn't see how this also negatively affected Maura. Her own selfishness made her hurt the one person she swore she would never hurt and things only got worse when Casey proposed.

The proposal took everyone by surprise. The detective knew their relationship wasn't ready to take that step, yet she contemplated actually saying yes. It really wasn't that difficult of a decision because normally Jane would never under any circumstance, think about leaving her job, family, and Maura.

But fear is a very powerful emotion and it had a strong grip on Jane Rizzoli.

If she agreed to marry the veteran and move away from everyone, it would be much easier to live a life full of lies. On the other hand if the brunette stayed, she would have to continue to wrestle with her inner feelings and eventually face her fear. To be honest, running away seemed a hell of a lot like the better option than staying.

She attempted to imagine her life as an Army wife but it was so dull. But who was the detective kidding, a life without Maura, in general, would be meaningless. Was Jane genuinely willing to give up the one thing besides the blonde that gave her life meaning, her job. Being a detective was the one thing that kept Jane sane. The brunette may have been running away from her personal life but being the best homicide detective in Boston was her ultimate motivation to continue on in life. She wasn't sure if she was ready to let that part of her go.

During a long internal debate, Jane came to the conclusion that she valued her job and family too much to go live in army base. She also realized that she couldn't continue to hide from her true self and that sent the detective into a frenzy. She wasn't ready to accept herself, let alone tell Maura. In that moment of panic, Jane quickly came up with an unreasonable solution. She told herself that there was no need for her to tell the blonde anything. She simply could just live alone forever, just as long as she had Maura and her family. Fast forward a couple of weeks and now she was on the verge of confessing the truth to the one person she prayed would never find out.

After the big confrontation with Maura, Jane knew they only way to salvage the friendship she had with the blonde was to admit everything and clear the air. Her brain finished processing that last thought and suddenly, the detective wasn't feeling too well. Her whole body began to shake, sweat, and the room was closing in on her. Jane launched herself up from the bed and ran straight to the toilet in the bathroom. She arrived just in time for her knees to hit the cold tile floor and she began to empty out her stomach inside of the toilet. The brunette threw up until she thought there was nothing left in her system to dispense, her throat and stomach felt like they were on fire and her fever increased in temperature.

The moment Jane began to think about how to approach this subject with Maura, she felt her stomach turn over and it was back to the toilet for her. The stubborn Italian lost track of how long she had been in the bathroom and during her last bout of vomiting, she had strained herself so much that she was suddenly seeing white lights all around her. That's when the epiphany came to her.

Maybe it was the white lights that made her have the epiphany or maybe it was that paralyzing feeling after being struck by lighting that shook her to her core, but Jane realized that her childhood tormentors and fear had power over her because she allowed them too. Her whole life the brunette grew up thinking that if she had proved them wrong, she would take away their power over her. But boy was she wrong.

The only thing Jane was accomplishing by trying to prove everybody wrong about her sexuality was giving them even more power. The purpose of the labeling and name calling was to torture Jane and the misery only continued as an adult. Certain people have dictated a big part of her life but if Jane just accepted who she really was, if she just accepted her attraction to women, there would be nothing left for people to say, nothing left to hide.

Yes, she was in love with a woman.

Yes, she finds women absolutely gorgeously, stunning.

But most importantly, her sexuality does not define who she is. She is a homicide detective who brings people to justice. She is a daughter, a sister, and has the honor of being the best friend to the greatest person in the world. She is a good person with a lot of heart and a lot to be proud of, nobody can take that away from her.

There is something empowering about owning up to one's true identity and it took Jane puking her brains out to discover that. Upon that revelation the detective closed the seat to the toilet, leaned her back against the wall, and began to laugh hysterically. The fits of laughter were joined by tears that suddenly leaked from her eyes and wouldn't stop flowing. The weight that Jane felt on her body was gone, it was like she could finally breathe without the constant pain on her chest. The shackles that were dragging her down every single day disappeared permanently and the brunette felt lighter than ever. She was finally coming to life.

No more hiding or running. She can finally get the fresh start she deeply desired and it's all going to start with telling the medical examiner the truth. It was her turn to fix what she had so badly damaged. Maura had demanded the truth and the detective is going to give it to her. Jane knew that no matter what happens, she was going to try her hardest to work things out with Maura. Even if the blonde rejects her romantic feelings, she is not going to continue running away from who she truly is. Jane felt the fear of rejection from her family and Maura start to creep in but she quickly squandered it. Maura means the world to Jane, so the brunette knows that she could never let that relationship die. Her mother may be a conservative Italian Catholic but if she truly loved Jane, Angela would bend for her. Jane calmed her fears by reasoning that her mother only wanted to see her happy and Maura was it for her. The detective just hated how long it took her to finally come to her senses, how could she have been so stupid to not see things the way there were.

With a final sigh, Jane willed herself up from the floor and up towards the shower. She allowed herself to just stand under the hot water and for the first time since she could remember, enjoy the feeling of the water on her body and not think about anything else. After her shower, she put on her Boston PD t-shirt and underwear, opting not to wear shorts for the night, and went straight to bed.

Jane Rizzoli was in love with Maura Isles and she was finally ready for the world to know.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Here it is guys, the final chapter. I want to thank you all of you guys for all following this story and giving me feedback. I really do appreciate it and can't thank you all enough. Big massive thanks to my beta, socks-lost. I hope you all enjoy this last chapter and are not disappointed.

**Disclaimer:** These characters are not mine nor do I profit from them.

* * *

7 am.

Only ten minutes had passed from the last time Maura checked her alarm clock and 15 minutes from the time before that. If the doctor would be one to personify objects, she would say time was antagonizing her and purposely moving at a slower rate. In reality, sleep eluded her due to her anxiety and fear. Maura had dosed off and had been woken up from nightmares every single hour. She wasn't mentally ready but the blonde had to get up and start getting ready for her coffee date with Jack in two hours.

Walking over to her closet, Maura took a peak of herself in the mirror and shuddered. The consequences of last night were etched all over her face with the bags under eyes being the most prominent evidence of her distress. Maura was definitely going to have to put more concealer on than the usual this morning because if she was going to do this right, she was going to have to look flawless.

The medical examiner was an honest believer that if someone wanted to feel great, they had to dress to the part. That was one of the several reasons why she enjoyed fashion so much, it gave people confidence about themselves. Her saying was, dress impeccably, feel divine, and exude confidence. Maura needed all the confidence she could get, so today she wanted to look absolutely stunning. Walking over to her enormous closet she knew exactly what dress to pull out, a navy blue sleeveless lace dress with an open back. That particular dress hugged her in all the right places, accentuating her breasts while perfectly clinging onto her hips and backside with the dress ending mid thigh, leaving anyone looking at her wanting more. The blonde decided to pair the dress up with white peep hole heels that make her legs more defined, finishing off the drop dead gorgeous appearance she was aiming for.

An hour and half later, she was finally ready and if she would say so herself, she looked sexy and felt more determined than ever. Grabbing her keys from the kitchen, she headed for her car and was on her way to the coffee shop.

Maura arrived a few minutes early but she didn't mind, it gave her a couple extra minutes to just gather her thoughts. The blonde was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't even notice Jack had been standing in front of the table for at least a minute and frightened her a little when he decided to speak up.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. This pending conversation can not be a good one, you're burning a hole in that cup just by staring at it. You didn't even notice me walk in, is everything alright?"

"Burn a hole? What? That's impossible and I'm not sure if everything will be okay, but I can only hope."

"Okay, lay it on me. Oh and by the way, you look amazing. I mean, wow." Jack leaned to give Maura a quick kiss but she moved her face so he could kiss her cheek instead. The professor leaned back and gave the medical examiner a questioning look before saying,

"You're breaking up with me, aren't you?"

Maura closed her eyes and took a deep breathe. When she opened her eyes and saw the heartbreak all over Jack's face, she immediately forgot all of the words she planned on saying, "Jack, I don't know how- I'm-I'm sorry. This is very difficult for me to explain because I don't want to hurt you more than I already have. If only we had met at another point of my life, I'm fairly certain we would work out but right now I just can't go on hurting you."

With a sad chuckle Jack says, "So I guess there is no way to convince you otherwise again? I know last time you were scared to be happy but just please tell me what changed?"

"I did just that, I stopped being scared. I decided I need to fight for my happiness and not let it slip away."

"What? I don't understand. I thought the reason you initially didn't want to be in a relationship with me was because you were scared of happiness. I'm at a loss here."

Maura had not realized that by the end of his sentence, she had already reached out to grab his hands. She wanted to ease the blow but being affectionate was not going to lessen the blow. Looking down at their intertwined hands, she slowly withdrew her own hands and cleared her throat.

"I need you to understand something. What I'm about to say to you will be very hard to hear but please know that my intention was never to cause you pain. Before I had met you, I had gone out with criminals and men who have tried to kill me. So yes, I was scared. I was scared that you were going to turn out to be this sociopath because you were too good to be true. But I was also frightened that I would never be happy. Not because I wouldn't find someone to be with but because I thought that I'd never move on from the one person that makes my heart complete.

Jack appeared to be taken aback, "You uh, you are in love with someone else." The professor seemed to be processing his own words when Maura continued.

"I know you are probably going to resent me but I thought this was the only possible way for me to be happy. The person I love, I know could never reciprocate those feelings so I had to try to get past all that torment for my sake. I needed a new life, a new start. You are such a great man and I knew that if I tried, I could at least be happy later on in life." The medical examiner had not realized that tears were flowing out uncontrollably, she paused to wipe the tears and then continued "But then I realized that we both deserved better. You should be with someone who has no past and is ready to love you unconditionally. I also discovered last night that I should at least tell the person I love how I feel before attempting to eradicate those feelings I have for them. I already probably messed up what's left of our friendship, so I have nothing to lose."

Upon hearing that last sentence, Jack perked up a little bit and without skipping a beat replied, "It's Jane isn't it? The person you love."

Now it was the medical examiner's turn to be taken aback. With her eyes wide open and her mouth agape she scoffed, "How, um, how did you know? Was I that obvious?"

"In all of time we've spent together, I have never heard you talk about any other friendship. It's always been Jane. Not to say that you don't have any other friendships, I'm sure you do. But Jane is the one person you value the most, I can hear it when you talk about her and I see it whenever she is around. I-I don't know how to exactly explain it but your face, it just lights up in a very specific way when Jane is around."

Silence overtook them and Jack scooted a little closer to Maura. There was no doubt that this break up was going to affect him, but right now the blonde needed someone to be a friend and he was going to provide that for her. He grabbed her hands and looked her directly in the eyes, "She loves you. You should know that Maura. I've only been around her a few times but when she thought I wasn't looking, she would clench her jaw and stare me down. She's awfully protective for someone who is just a best friend. I don't know what you said to her that made her angry, but you should tell her the truth. You won't regret it."

The blonde couldn't help but stare at the professor as if he was from another planet. "I broke off our relationship because I am in love with another person and you're helping me. This is not where I thought this conversation was going go."

"I'm not going to lie to you, I'm definitely hurt, but I also care about you. I can see how much you love Jane and I just want to see you happy."

"You know, this is the first time I have ever told another person. I love Jane."

"How does it feel? To say it out loud, I mean."

Subconsciously, Maura gave Jack the biggest smile he had ever seen on her and said, "It feels pretty damn great. It also feels nerve wrecking. I'm going to go see her tonight, hopefully everything will work out." Jack didn't know how but that smile made her even more beautiful and he felt an ache in his heart.

With a heavy sigh, he got up from his chair and leaned in to give Maura a hug. Maura welcomed the embrace and was happy to return it. After a couple long seconds, Jack broke the hug and began to gather his stuff.

"I have to go but I wish you all the best of luck in dealing with a certain detective. Everybody deserves happiness. Nice knowing you, Maura." With that Jack turned around and began to leave.

"Jack, wait! Thank you, for everything. You truly are a great man, who deserves nothing but the very best in life. May you find your happiness very soon."

Jack gave Maura one last sad smile before finally leaving the coffee shop. Left alone with her thoughts, the medical examiner was beginning to think that maybe she will get her happy ending. She had expected Jack to take their break up much worse than he did and was pleasantly surprised by him. He even gave her an extra boost of confidence needed to go speak with Jane and for that, she will always be grateful to him.

A noise coming from her stomach disrupted her thoughts. Letting out a small laugh, Maura realized that she had only drunk coffee and not had a proper breakfast. She worked her way out of the shop and into her car. Before heading back home, the blonde made sure to stop and buy something to eat.

Pulling up to her drive way, Maura noticed a brunette figure sitting down on the floor of her porch hugging their knees. She immediately recognized the figure as Jane and her stomach began to flutter with excitement and nervousness. Turning off the car, the blonde took a deep breath before walking towards the figure in front of her house.

"Jane, what are you doing outside my house? Is everything alright?"

Jane looked up at the medical examiner to answer but upon laying eyes on her, the detective's mind went blank. Maura was the definition of perfect and Jane couldn't help but gawk.

"Wow. Beautiful." The brunette was so mesmerized that she didn't realize she had spoken out loud.

Maura was not sure if she had heard correctly or if her mind was playing tricks on her. Speaking a little louder and more forceful to Jane this time she asked, "What did you just say?"

The detective could feel the heat begin to rise up on her face. Suddenly embarrassed, Jane began to shift nervously and blurted out, "Uh, you look stunning and I didn't realize I had spoken out loud. I mean, you are always so stunning but that's for another conversation. Anyways I thought you had gone for a run and I know that I have a key but I decided to wait for you outside because I wasn't sure I was welcomed after what happened last night. But you took longer than I expected and-"

Too many words were coming out of Jane's mouth really fast and Maura couldn't process all of it, "Oh my. Jane, relax. Of course you are welcomed here, let me open the door and you can _calmly_ tell me why you are here and so twitchy, might I add." The blonde flashed Jane a friendly smile and opened the door. Immediately Jane felt some of the tension in her muscles ease, they both walked to the kitchen with Maura leaning against the countertop facing Jane.

"Right. The reason I am here. I need to apologize and answer your questions from last night."

"Do you want something to drink first?"

"No, no thank you. I need to get this off my chest before I lose my nerve."

Maura could tell Jane was about to open herself up and be vulnerable. She knew how much inner strength it took for Jane to do this so the doctor offered Jane a comforting rub of the shoulder and said, "It's okay Jane, you can tell me anything. We'll work this out, together. Just like we always do."

The fact that Maura used the pronoun, we, made Jane's heart soar with hope that she had not expected to have. The brunette couldn't help but stare at the amazing woman in front of her and after a minute she finally cleared her throat.

"I owe you an apology, Maur. I lashed out on you when you were only being a good friend. Eventually the argument wasn't just about the miscarriage anymore but about Casey, Jack, and it just became a mess. You asked me why I put up for so long being in an abusive relationship and I'm about to tell you."

A big pregnant pause over took the kitchen and the air became thick. Jane ran both of her hands through her hair and continued.

"Fear." The blonde furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and locked eyes with watery brown eyes.

"That's the answer to your question. I stayed because I was consumed by fear."

Maura lunged forwarded and interrupted, "Did he hurt you? Tell me if he ever put a hand on you, Jane."

The detective chuckled lightly, "Maura, you know damn well I would kick his ass to Mars and back if he ever did that. Just please let me finish before I forget."

The medical examiner gave Jane a sheepish smile and said, "I'm sorry, it's just can't expect me to hear that and not think of the worst possible situation."

"Thank you, really. As I was saying, I'm fully aware of how awful Casey treated me and basically used me to for sex. But I accepted that because I didn't really want to face a certain truth about myself. I was scared to admit that I had feelings for someone else because I didn't want to lose my family. I know I joke about how they drive me crazy, but I couldn't survive knowing they were ashamed of me. Even worse, I didn't want to lose the person I have feelings for. They are everything to me and losing them would of have been the end of me. I know I wouldn't of survived it. I was running away from my potential happiness but now, I'm tired of running and letting fear control me."

Sensing that Jane was momentarily finished, Maura took this opportunity to voice her confusion, "You're in love with someone else and why would your family reject you for that. All your mother wants is for you to be happy. May I ask who this person is? "

With her eyes locked on the blonde's, Jane walked forward and trapped Maura into the corner of the countertop. In all of the time that Maura had known Jane, never had she seen as much intensity in the brunette's eyes as right now. All of the medical examiner's senses were on high alert and overwhelming her. She felt the detective's fingertips gently caress her cheek and then land on her chin, lifting her head so they could meet eye to eye.

"You. It has always been you. I was frightened beyond my mind to accept the fact that I was in love with you because I didn't want to disappoint anyone. My whole life, I let other people tell me who I was and I allowed them to run my life. By giving into my fear, I inadvertently gave them the power needed to dictate my life. The fear controlled me but last night I became aware of something - I might actually lose you for good this time. Suddenly other people's opinion didn't matter because I was about to lose the most important person in my life, you. I'm so in love with you Maura Isles and I will fight for you every minute of every day."

The doctor's chest was heaving and her breath was coming in short ragged breathes. Her eyes were constantly flickering between the Italian's lips and eyes, craving so desperately to close the remaining distance between them. With Jane's words echoing through her head and complete and utter jubilation washed over her.

The brunette continued, "I know you are in a relationship with Jack but that will not stop me from fighting for you. You belong-"

Jane's speech was halted by a pair of soft lips. Neither of them daring to deepen the kiss but rather revel in the softness of each other's lips. Seconds that seemed like minutes passed before they separated. The detective had her eyes closed, if this was a dream she never wanted to wake up. She never wanted to stop kissing this perfect human being.

"Jane, look at me. It won't be necessary for you to 'fight for me', as you put it. Jack is no longer in the picture, this morning I came back from breaking things off with him. Even if I hadn't, it would be no contest because I too, am so madly in love with you. I couldn't go on another day without telling you that and it wasn't fair for Jack to be caught in the crosshairs."

Maura's eyes shined bright from the tears threatening to spill and her face hurt from giving Jane the biggest and brightest smile she could possibly muster.

"I love you-" Now it was Maura's turn to be silenced but unlike the first time, this kiss was rougher and more urgent. The kiss depended instantly with Jane running her tongue across Maura's lower lip and the doctor granting permission and meeting her halfway with her own tongue.

The blonde wrapped her arms around the detective's neck while Jane didn't quite know what to do with her hands. Jane wanted to touch every single inch of skin that Maura had to offer, her hands roamed all over from Maura's back, ass, and landed on her hips. God, those legs. She desperately needed to run her hands over those legs and thighs. In one sudden swift motion, Maura was propped up on top of the counter.

The brunette detached her lips from Maura's and began a trail of kisses from her ear, to her jaw, and all the way down to her pulse point, making sure to nip and suck particularly on that one sensitive spot. All the while hiking the blonde's dress up just enough to give Jane space to run her hands up Maura's thighs. The primal moans that were coming out of the doctor's mouth caused the brunette's arousal to grow more than what it already was, her underwear was already soaked through.

Letting out moan and a roll of the hips, Maura gasped "Oh God, Jane. You feel so good."

The detective returned her lips to Maura's and moved her hands up north and grasped two perfectly shaped breasts, instantly receiving another load moan from the blonde. Giving them a final squeeze, Jane reluctantly stopped kissing Maura and rested her forehead on the doctor's.

"Fuck. I don't ever want to stop kissing you or touching you, Maur and you make it so hard to stop. I want to tear this dress off of you, show you how much I love you, and make up for lost time but I need to tell you something first."

"When I was pregnant, I told you I couldn't do it alone. You told me that it takes a village to raise a child and that you would be a part of my village. Well I don't have a child anymore, but I'm terrified because I know that I still can't do whatever this is, alone. I don't need too many people in my life, but I do know that I need you. You are my village. I love you and I will tell you that every day until the day I die. Please forgive me for causing you so much pain for being so stupid."

Wrapping her legs around the detective's waist, Maura gave the brunette a quick chaste kiss on the lips. The doctor's hands cupped Jane's face and said, "You are everything but stupid. You are so brave and incredibly strong for facing your fears. I love you too. Of course I forgive you, we both have inadvertently caused each other pain but that's in the past. Right now what lies ahead is that start to a new chapter of my life that I can't wait to start with you."

Maura latched her lips onto Jane's neck and gave another roll of the hips. She heard the brunette's breath hitch and said, "Now please, take me to bed."

"It would be my pleasure, m'lady."


End file.
